'Tis the Season

I was so excited to get 'home' for a few days for Thanksgiving.  It had been too long since I had time with Dad and Betty and I needed it.  Didn't realize I needed it until after I got it, but it filled something in me that had gotten too low.  I drove up Tuesday night... leaving work around 2:30 and making a couple of stops along the way.  I stopped at a gallery in Freeport which was featuring the art of a Maine artist Dahlov Ipcar.  I love her work, the color and patterns... vibrancy I suppose in her work.  She is now in her 90s and is losing her eyesight from macular degeneration... I saw a story on her recently and despite that loss of sight, she continues to paint.  I wanted to see her pieces... one of her paintings, Blue Savannah,  is  one of my favorites...maybe my favorite... 

(This is from a website: http://studentreader.com/files/maine-portland/dahlov-ipcar-blue-savanna-portland-museum-2012-w1000.JPG  at the Portland Museum of Art.)  

This painting made me understand why people go to art museums and stand for a long time in front of a painting... Art is in the eye of the beholder, as they say... but I must admit, I have gone to many galleries and have not understood the art I have seen... but there are some pieces that I love.  This painting, when I saw it in the PMA, I had that moment... where I just stood there... I studied it, looking at all the detail, the colors, the lines, the geometry... the beauty... and at the time, knew very little about the artist, but this painting caused me to do some research.  She is from Maine, as I said... has written children's books and many of her paintings are of African animals... and much to my surprise, she had never been to Africa... at least hadn't been before most of her African art was created.. I am not sure if she has been since... but I had seen her in an interview where she said she would not go to Africa because she was afraid that the beauty she had imagined Africa to be would exceed what she would actually see, so... she didn't want to go... So, Dahlov Ipcar, who will likely never read this... Thank you, for helping me appreciate art and art museums in a way I had not until Blue Savannah... So Tuesday as I walked around the gallery seeing her art from 20 years ago and some pieces from the last couple of years... I could see the change in her work... because of her vision... the lines were not as crisp, the design, less intricate... but, so clearly still Dahlov... I love that she is in her 90s and doing what she loves, despite her difficulty.  I am sure there is frustrations... but she does it...finds a way... I didn't stay long, but am very glad I stopped.  

After leaving the gallery I had less than two hours before I was going to meet up with a friend from high school for dinner.  As I drove the moon rose up and it was one of the most beautiful moons I have seen.  I wanted to stop several times on the highway to take photos, but I know that would not have been smart and decided to just enjoy the moon as I drove.  (Also, as I get older, I hate driving at night... so the moon was a welcome light along the way!)  

It was nice to meet up with my friend for dinner, nice to catch up.  Our lives are very different from each other... but we still have much in common.  I have very few friends form high school whose company I choose to keep, but there is something cool about keeping connected with people who knew me so long ago... 

I got to the lake around 8:30 and Dad and Betty and I stayed up until after 11:00 chatting... so nice.  Wednesday we got up and all headed to town, separately, each having some errands to run.  After mine I took time to drive down Main St.  It triggered a lot of memories... It was a great place to grow up.  In recent years Main St. has started thriving again... but I worry that my little town is in trouble.  The major industry there has recently been shut down... many have lost their jobs... and I worry about what will happen... It is sad.  This town, where... your parents knew what you were doing when you and your friends were hanging out in town before you even got home... the town where people drive by your house and stop or call if they notice something doesn't look just right to make sure things are ok... the town where I was born...where Mom died... will have to stay strong in order to overcome this huge hit... I hope they can... 

A few days before Thanksgiving I learned that Betty and Jacey were going to come with me and Dad to our annual Thanksgiving dinner, aka family reunion... that news made me so incredibly happy!  

I am not sure why it felt like such a big deal, but it did.  And having the at Thanksgiving, getting to see our family tradition, felt amazing.  I am not sure why... but I think that somehow it made things feel more connected... like another piece of a puzzle fitting together, but not just any piece, an integral piece.  Over the years Betty's family has kindly invited me to be a  part of their holiday celebrations... and I have appreciated the offer, and on the couple of occasions in which I attended, I was appreciative...  I saw and heard about Dad participating in family functions for Betty... and Betty has participated in things with Dad too... but not something like this... like Thanksgiving... not because she hasn't wanted to, but when her family and our family were celebrating on the same day at similar times... it made sense for them to each go to their family's celebration... this year, as it worked out, Betty's family did their Thanksgiving today, so.. that meant there was an opportunity to have Betty and Jacey come with us.  Something about having them there clicked... made me feel really good about them being there.  I was so happy to have them come, proud to show them off, in a way...probably a weird way, but proud to have them there.  It was wonderful!  We had a good crowd this year... 46 people... or 44... there is currently a debate about what the final number was... either way, it was a good crowd!  It was extra special because I missed it last year.  Two of my aunts and one of my uncles do the majority of the work to get ready for the dinner... and it is not an easy job.  My uncle said to us that this year will be the last one if my Aunt Louise dies before next year rolls around... she is 92... the last remaining sibling from that generation... and my uncle seems to think that when her generation is gone, so is this tradition... Not sure I believe that... and would be sad if that were the case.  I do think that he and his wife do a lot, as does my other aunt.  And... it is probably time for the next generation, my generation, to step up and kick in... So... maybe I need to figure out how to help take some of the burden off them..They have kept so much of the tradition going.. maybe they need to contribute less than they have been contributing... so.. it gives me something to think about for next year... I would like to have the tradition continue... we figured out that we now have six generations who have participated in this tradition... SIX!  That's pretty impressive... I love it.  

Here are some pics of the pre dinner family tree talk... we started with Aunt Louise and explained she was one of 5 siblings... and how as their families grew their houses were to small to have everyone together, so they started renting a hall... and when the hall was sold, we moved the dinner to the basement of a church... and have been there since.  So... from those 5 siblings... 3 of their families were in attendance, children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren, and one boy who is a great great grandchild... we all wear name tags... which maybe takes away from the family feel, but.. each year we have individuals who join us, friends or relatives of significant others, and would be lost without name tags, so it's a good idea.  The food, of course, was delicious!!!  But it is the company I love!!! 

This is the whole crew... can't see everyone because some of the taller family members were under/behind the heating ducts!

We got back to the lake ad it was time to take down the Thanksgiving decorations ... 

And put up the Christmas tree... 

This is Betty blessing me with the branches... not the best photo of Betty, but it was funny so I had to include it.  

This is Dad being a wise guy as they assemble the tree... apparently he thinks that the trunk of the tree could double as a nose flute... Oh how his mother would shake her head!  

So... we survived the tree decorating at the lake... and on Friday I got up, packed, and hit the road... and did some shopping on my way home... not gift shopping, but shopping for my house... decorations... I feel a bit selfish spending money on myself at this time of year, but I also love this house, love being here, and it brings me joy, so... that's what I am choosing, and it is so worth it! 

I got home around 3 and then met up with some of my Framily... (Just made that up... friends who are like family!)  We have gone to the Portland tree lighting for a few years together and it has always been fun.  (Suellen, Mike, Kris, and Cassie... this year Suellen & Kris's parents joined us!)  

Each year we take a photo together and because they are so little... we thought this would be a fun shot: 

 They said they were my minions! 

It was WARM for the tree lighting... True confession, I wish it had been snowing or colder!  It was hard to get into the spirit with temps in the 50s!  But we still had fun!  

Today, after sleeping in, I was determined to decorate!  I was hoping I would get everything up, but I didn't.. but I made progress! 

I found this sign while shopping yesterday... and thought it was hysterical... and may use this as a headline in future personal ads... (If I ever do that again.) 

My mantle... complete with Mom's Santa slate...  it brings a lump to my throat every year when I get it out... written on the back, it says, painted with love... Love you too, Mom! 

Another sign I found that I had to have, was this one... 

As I was getting the tree decorated, Lucy snuck under the tree... She is so happy here...

I have been trying to figure out what to do with my banister.  I wanted something there, festive, but not over the top... I decided to do ribbons on the spindles... which remind me of candy canes or ribbon candy... and am very pleased with how it came out.  (Worth the time it took!)  

Another Mom decoration... 

Then I put ornaments on the tree... My favorite ornaments are the ones I have gotten on different trips... like these: 

Denver... (Hi Rico!)

 Multnomah Falls, Oregon... just beautiful!  (Hi Michael!)

A ski lift ornament I got to remind me of the ski lift ride Michael and I took up Mt. Hood... I was so scared on that trip, but sooo glad I did it.  Significant for me in many ways.  Such good memories.  

I wasn't sure where I would put my tree this year, but like it between the book cases...

The mantle with the lights...no flash...

I have much more to do tomorrow... and need to do outside too... but so far this makes me happy...makes  me smile... 

Merry Christmas!!  

Book contract??? CHECK!!!

Today was one of those days that had me feeling like I was going in a million different directions all day when I also felt like I was doing a lot of sitting... it was strange... Nothing major happened at work today but at the end of the day I was feeling stressed... and left work pretty early, early for me anyway... I used the excuse, which was true, that I had to make it to the dump before it closed...as I had the bales of hay in the back of my truck that I had used to decorate for fall... So... I left work stopped at the grocery store to pick up some final ingredients for a pre thanksgiving dinner to finish off the turkey breast I had cooked yesterday in my crock pot... then dumped the bales of hay at the dump and came home... coming into the house always feels like a huge relief... I am still in awe that I LOVE coming home each day.  (and grateful!)  And as I pulled into my driveway, I saw... sticking out of my mailbox, a large white envelope... I knew instantly what was inside... THE BOOK CONTRACT!  Oh My Gosh!!!  I immediately got giddy!  I rushed up the small set of stairs to get to my mailbox and grabbed the envelope...sure enough... it was from the publisher... I was so happy and in awe... and immediately sent a picture to my immediate family and to my co author... she had not received anything... I sat the envelope on a table for a bit and just looked at it... I wondered...romanticized...in my head that I would open the contract with a formal letter to which would be attached a lovely hand written, in beautiful cursive, note from our editor congratulating us and saying she was so excited to work with us... After I opened the envelope I was slightly disappointed that there was no handwritten note in lovely cursive... but...there was a letter with instructions on what needed to be completed and returned and what copies we keep... (they sent one packet, explains why my co author didn't get one!)  And...at the end of the letter was the sweet sentiment I had hoped for... 'it's sure to be a great addition to Maine's paddling library!'  There it is!!!  Yahooooo!  So As I was looking through things my writing partner was excited and texting me a million questions... and told me she is leaving Wednesday to go to Wyoming to meet her son and drive back to Maine with him... so if we wanted to get the contract back before Thanksgiving our only hope was to meet tonight!  So, I met her over by the mall and she signed all her parts and I will finish mine and we will send it out tomorrow... So exciting! 
When I returned home I got a great surprise!  (Although technically surprises are things one would know nothing about...and I knew about this as I had set it up...) My outdoor Christmas lights were on and blinking, all sparkly!!!  I was so excited!  Over the moon excited!  Not only were they working (They are solar operated and I had no idea if they would actually work!)  but they were beautiful and so so happy!
I don't know why it made me so excited, but, there is something about being here, in this house, and doing things that I want to do, making new traditions to celebrate, yes celebrate things... I love it! 

Now... the real work begins... We have to have 20% of our trips DONE by mid January... OMG.. that is not far away... so I need to spend some time editing my trips, to put them in the format our editor wants... and I need to choose photos... THAT will be hard... which photos do I choose? The ones that are my favorite form each trip OR the ones that best represent the location? Not always the same photos...

Decisions decisions...

I see a wide range of stuff...

There are kids that make me smile more than others... especially when they are so angry they don't know what to do... today a kid who is very sweet and has some special education needs did something that is so age appropriate that the special education teacher in me was so very excited... but the administrator in me knew I needed to address it... and address it in a way a bit different than I may handle it with other kids...

This kid was in the cafeteria and was sitting with  a group of boys who are known to be a bit... rambunctious... they were laughing and having fun and then this student amid laughter threw up his arm and flipped off a kid across the cafeteria... this action was met with much laughter from his peers... Because I have had a couple of other interactions with him I knew I needed to separate him from other kids to address the issue... and know that calling his mom is a pretty big deal... so my plan, as he reluctantly followed me to my office, was to call his mom and have him tell her what he had done... and that would be it...

well... as they say.. life is what happens when you are busy making other plans... and while I may have had a plan, the student's plan was very different.  As we walked through the main office ot my office one of the secretaries spoke to him jovially and said, "Oh wow, you are early today. You usually sort the mail later in the day."  (he is part of a program that offers kids jobs within our school.)  His response to him, under his breath was, "It's HER fault!'  It may have been under his breath, but it had an exclamation point at the end, I am sure of it!   We got into my office and I asked him why I asked him to come to my office... he said he didn't know... and I waited and he said, "It's your fault I'm here."  I told him it was not my fault, that I had seen him do something with his hand in the cafeteria that was not appropriate.  He scowled, looked at the floor and said he had not done that.  I told him I had seen him flipping off someone in the cafeteria and asked him why he had done it.  He said a friend had refused to sit with him at lunch.  At that moment he kicked the front of my desk, hard!  (My desk has a metal modesty panel and when it is kicked it is LOUD. It has been kicked a lot this year and surprisingly has no dents... yet...)  I told him he needed to calm down and that he wasn't in big trouble with me, but if his behavior got worse he would be, that I wanted to talk about it.  At that moment he took his lunch, leftover pizza from last night and looked at me with angry eyes...then looked away....and threw a piece of pizza across my office... it made a pretty good mess on my floor.  I called his special education teacher to join us and then told the student that we were going to call his mom to let her know what was going on and hope he could turn his day around.  At that point he swore a little and mimicked me a little... his special ed teacher came in and I explained what had happened. We also called mom to invite her to come over.  His teacher (as wonderful special educators always do) talked with him and used some key phrases that are part of his specific plan with her and he looked at her, looked at me... and picked up his open apple juice which he had set on my desk when we came into my office.  He held it in his hand and then looking off into the distance poured it on my floor....(my poor rug!)  The special ed teacher took the juice away before the entire bottle was emptied.  I told him I was sorry he was so frustrated and I hoped we could make things better.  I walked out of my office to get some paper towels and brought them into my office and asked him to please clean up the juice.  He took the paper towels and wiped up much of the juice and then threw the paper towels around my office.  I asked him to pick them up and throw them away and he did. 
I am always so fascinated to watch kids, especially kids who have special needs.  I could see the gears turning in his head of what he wanted to do next... another piece of pizza was thrown, then upon request was picked up and thrown away... some items on my desk were pushed... he obviously was in need of having some kind of control...
Mom arrived and was so amazing with her son... asking what had happened and he refused to talk to her.  She said he could tell me or she would ask me to... and he told her I could tell her... so I did.  Mom was outraged that her son would act that way and he began swearing at her and she handled it beautifully...she remained calm and said she was disappointed...  We talked about consequences and I told her that because of the damage from the pizza and juice I was going to have him go home for today and to stay home on Monday.  (Gong home early on a Friday afternoon is not a big deal to a lot of kids, but I think for this kid a disruption to his routine come Monday will be effective.  I hate suspending kids, but... also can't have this kid behaving like that... I talked to mom and said that I would like to process this with her son on Tuesday, that I want to draw out what had happened and see if he could identify where he could have made different choices and go from there... it has been an effective method for me in the past.  She asked what she could do at home... I told her to help him process as he is able... and to not have the days away from school be like a long weekend.  She was on board.  She told her son that the school was being generous by not kicking him out for a longer period of time. 
It is an interesting situation... and since this kids is pretty young, it is a great opportunity for me to get to know him a bit, set some boundaries and build a relationship.  And it gives me a chance to go back into my special ed bubble for a bit... he is so cute... and as his special ed teacher apologized to me after the student had left with his mom... I told her not to apologize that we really should be celebrating that he was, in many ways, acting like a typical high school kid... he flipped someone off, and that behavior was reinforced by the laughter of peers... and he was a bit rebellious in my office... He wasn't quite sure how to show his anger... and creatively used his food to show me how he was feeling... so, while it was messy, I think in ways, it's a win... but... in order for it to stay a win... the story has to continue and he  has to take ownership... we will have him do some cleaning with the custodians when he returns so he gets an idea of what it takes to clean up after people. 

That mom.. has a lot on her plate... and I can tell she has put a lot of work into knowing her kid and finding the balance between being structured with him and being gentle... so nice to see...

Quite a contrast to other experiences with other parents... I will mention one particular situation...

This situation... had me probably as close to taking a kid home with me for the night than I have ever been... but... I can't do that... but... man oh man... it was tempting to break those rules and risk my job... but... I can't... and I didn't...  A student who I have known for a while has a very hard life... her mom is an alcoholic, the raging not laughing kind of alcoholic... leaving huge responsibilities on this kid's shoulders... including caring for a younger brother with medical issues... the siblings have been seen walking, together, late ant night... all around town... after escaping their house or... should I say, their mother.  In the past they were able to go to a relative, but over time the mother has sabotaged that relationship and will no longer allow the kids to be there... This girl... who for no apparent reason reminds me of little orphan Annie (she does not have red hair!)  gets so bogged down with things... she has had a job in the past... and at one point when she and her brother had run away, she had budgeted for such a situation... she had saved some cash from her paychecks in case she and her brother needed to be on their own for a few nights... she is the parent in many ways... such huge weight on her shoulders... she hit a breaking point recently... and shared with a social worker that she had thought about killing herself... that a noose would be a quick way to do it... So... the social worker assesses the kid... and consults with me and with another social worker to see if we need to call crisis... we decided we needed to do that... when that happens we always call parents and have them come into school... Mom was highly annoyed that we asked her to come to school.  She said she was aware that her daughter had said she could hang herself to end it all, but said it wasn't a big deal.  Lady... it IS a big deal... this kid...because of circumstances YOU created... is so HIGHLY at risk... wake up!!!  Mom came in... and was very agitated.  She got more and more angry as the social worker and crisis worker asked her questions... and explained that the purpose of the crisis assessment was to see if the student needed to be hospitalized...  They talk to the kids separate from the parent and then bring them together.  When they were brought back together, mom lost it... in a way that the social worker and crisis worker had never seen a parent lose it in front of professionals... At the end of her explosion she said "YOU can deal with her.  I'm DONE... You figure out what to do with her..." and stormed out of our school. 

I was called at that point to see what next steps we needed to take... and when I sat down in the social worker's office the student was coming in returning from the bathroom... she saw me and fell apart again and I asked if she needed a hug... she rushed over to me and collapsed into me and just cried... she said that's how her life is...ALL the time... she said that's why she hates being home, hates being near her mom... why she tries to not be home when her mom is... why she works to keep the house spotless to avoid fights, why she nags her brother to clean up after himself and to be quiet all the time... she said she just waits for the explosion to come... it is never if it will come, but when... So... what do we do with a kid who has no family to speak of... a kid who has talked about suicide, but fortunately (though it would have made our choice easier if it was not the case) not suicidal enough to be hospitalized... and who rightfully refuses to go home? You can't just let her walk out of the building... can we? Well... yes... actually... if she has been 'cleared' by crisis...and she has a plan to reach out to friends where she will stay for the night... we can let her walk out... feels pretty crappy... we tried... I tried for about 2 hours to get mom to answer the phone... she wouldn't... did try to reach out to relatives from who the girl had been estranged... and no answer... we can't violate confidentiality by calling a parent of one of her friends and say what is going on and ask them to take her in... a school asking a parent to take in a student who is having suicidal ideations... is not something we can do... I asked our principal what to do... (One of the many times I appreciate being the assistant...and not he head dude!)  He said... all we could do... is make a safety plan with her and confirm that she has a place to stay... by this time... the crisis worker and our social worker had to leave... so it was me... with this kid... and this is where I really thought about just taking her home with me... feeding her a good meal...and tucking her in for the night... but can't... so.. I kept her with me... and in the meantime we ran into one of her friends... and she asked her friend if she could spend the night at her house... the friend asked why and her response, "My mom..." and looked at the floor.  Her friend hugged her and said, of course.. you know that any time you need to stay at my house you are welcome... my mom loves you I will let her know you are coming..."  I happen to know this other kid and knew if she went there she would be safe... at least for the night... On my last attempt, which felt like my millionth try, her mom answered the phone when I called. 

She told me she was mad at the crisis worker and social worker, not at her daughter.  I told her that I was sorry it was a difficult meeting, but that I needed to know what her plan was for that night, the plan for her daughter.  She said she wanted her daughter to go home, but that she was certain her daughter had no intention of doing that.  I told her that her daughter had made arrangements to stay at a friend's house and asked her how she felt about that... her response was, I don't have much say in it.  She will do what she wants...  so I told her that my responsibility was to notify her where her daughter was intending to stay and encouraged her to keep in touch with her daughter and to call crisis if needed...for her daughter... or for her... she 'yupped' me... and hung up... I felt a little better... knowing that her mom knew where she was.. but not better about the life this kid is living... or the life that has bombarded her... I wrote out a safety plan/contract and the kid signed it... and it did not ease my anxiety... and I let her go... I didn't sleep that night... and the next day we had off... so I was on edge... but the social worker had been in touch with her and knew she was... okay... I was relieved to see her in our halls these last couple of days...

In the midst of this... we also called our equivalent of child protective services... because of her age... in high school... there was not much they could do..would do... but after our school resource officer (SRO) called them in addition to the crisis worker calling them...they said they would do a home visit... I have yet to hear the outcome of that visit... I doubt much was done... if anything... Our SRO was great, though there was little more he could do in the situation...  he did notify the PD that there was a situation brewing in case the student went home to get clothes and mom was there and things got explosive...

So...  the days where kids throw food at me (ok, not at me, but at my office) are easier, way way easier, than the other days... where I get such an intense look into the lives of my students who struggle to find strength to live...

I do have to say... it makes me think about other kids who are in similar situations... (And of kids who keep things quiet, who don't share their inner thoughts..they scare me even more!)  Should I consider being a foster parent? I have space... but... I am selfish... I don't think I can have the energy I would need to be what a kid would need full time... and feel selfish saying that... but... I also know that I need time away from that kind of work... in order to recover and refill my tank.. to be able to keep doing this job...

Through it all... I keep thinking ... I am a very lucky person... grateful for the people in my life... for my home... for my career...for all of its ups and downs...