Update

I am still here!!! And I have been writing...granted the writing I am doing has not been for my blog, but I have been writing nonetheless.  A lot has happened since mid December and there will be no way I can cover everything. The holidays were good...I did go out to visit Sis and the boys for Christmas but came home the very next day so I could have time at home.  In late January Dad and Betty stopped over on their way south. They have been in Florida since and are truly embracing the retirement lifestyle! (Though I am a bit worried about my dad when I hear that he is doing thugs like going to flea markets and playing bocci... Dad hasn't always ....yearned to join in on such activities...but I suppose what happens in Florida stays in Florida!

Work has been nuts! But as Rico recently mentioned,I think I do better at leaving work at work than I used to...(I know I still bring it home. It definitely am able to keep it a bit at bay since being in my house.) the boy I wrote about here...the one from Central America ... Is breaking my heart. I have been in touch with a few lawyers who don't think  his case to regain asylum is very strong... Having to tell him that... Was so hard ... I need to call him down this week... After I told him about my findings he has been harder to find... I am worried about him...

I am spending a lot of time writing...working on a project that those who know me write about. I am hesitant a to be too public about it here because I don't want to end up connecting myself here to other online presence that could lead to people learning my identity which could then result in less protection for the identities of my kids... But that project is taking a lot of energy...but I do see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I have also been facing some decisions about some medical care... And have settled on having surgery in early April. I will be having a hysterectomy... A big decision...or at least that's what many people say when they react to the news... It is a big decision in that it definitively ends any chance I had of getting pregnant and giving birth... But it was not a big decision when I weigh the benefits and relief it will offer.

Those of you who know me well know that the decision, to officially end my option of having a baby is a. If one...emotionally.  Logistically I can say that I am at a point where I do not want to have a baby. I am 40 and by the time I would be comfortable having a baby with someone I would want to know him for a long time... So... If I met that man tomorrow... I would be 42 at .east before imeven began trying to have a kid... Which means I would, if I was able to get pregnant, have a baby when I was 44 or 45... Which is risky...in many ways... Plus...that means the kid would graduate from college whenI was approaching 70!!! 70!!! I plan on having lots of fun Between now and the time I turn 70... And that fun doesn't include little league games when I am 60...being a soccer mom at 60.... That being said... If I get the opportunity to be a stepmother I would support the interests of those kids... But... Thinking of having a kid at this point in my life comes while looking through the lens of being single... Yes the scenario above involved a partner, but...I have no idea whatnthatnwould entail...so in my mind...if I had a kid ALL the responsibilities would fall on my shoulders... Would I be a great mom? No... I would be one hell of a mom... But... I am not sure that I would be the best mom I could be at this point in my life.  I have a job that I love...a job that requires long hours and emotional drain... In order to be a good mother I would have to drastically change how I do my job... And I'm not sure I would be good at my job if I had to change how I do it.... I 'mother' many kids already... I know it is different... But it is true... And I am selfish...getting more so as I get older... I am getting to a place where I could take a spontaneous trip on a weekend... And places I want to go, given my interests, are not kid focused... I have no idea why people take kids under ten to NYC...even at ten it is a lot...so overstimulating....  So... Since I am. It using my uterus to grow a mini me... And it is doing nothing but causing me issues... It's time to say adios uterus!! A friend of mine is having similar issues and is so upset at the thought of losing her uterus...she said she has an emotional attachment to it.... She had kids...so I suppose I can understand that... But... It did the job she needed it to do... Time to set it free!!

I have had he chance to talk with Rico a couple of times recently...he gave me the gentle reminder that my blog had been inactive for a while.... Thanks Rico.  I enjoy my friendship with him and often wish geography didn't have us so far apart!

I feel that way about many of my friends... I am hoping that as my project comes to a close and I recover from surgery I can take some time to visit my friends.

Jill has been back in New England for a while now...and I have not yet seen her new house. Jill, I will come to visit!!!

I am hoping to head out to Orrgon again this summer and perhaps add a road trip to Seattle in there as well....

And... The way the presidential election is shaping up, I really need to get my passport as we may all need to get the hell out of dodge!

This is a scattered post... I will try to take time to write more here... But then again...kayaking season is on the horizon...and you all know what that means!!